The Big 40hhhhhh Part 2 or The Big 40hhhhhh NO!
by NYCBadGirl
Summary: Callie and Addison have been together for over two years and have just spent the previous evening giving Mark a birthday present he will never forget. In the morning light, guilt, hurt and accusations fly. Part one isn't required, but helpful.


Title: The Big 4-0hhhh, part 2 OR The Big 4-0hhhhh, the aftermath OR as Chelle called it, The Big 4-0hhhh NO!

Characters: Callie/Addison, Mark

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Not mine. Shonda's. Just for fun. No personal gain. blah, blah, blah!

Summary: This is the monster follow up to The Big 4-0hhhh. I think you must read that first to understand exactly what's going on here. (If you are just not into threesomes, I get it, whatever… read on.) Three years down the roah, Callie and Addison have been together for over two years and have just spent the previous evening giving their best friend Mark a birthday present he will never forget. In the morning light, guilt, hurt and accusations fly.

A/N: WOW! This one took me weeks and was a monster in length. First and foremost it must be dedicated to Chelle, burningeden, who came up with the concept. She pointed out little things in the original that would easily cause problems for a happy couple dealing with the aftermath of what they did. She also encouraged me (I guess) by threatening to kill Callie in her fic if I didn't hurry the hell up. Next I must dedicate this to my dear friend Alicia, tvjunkie118. She has encouraged me the whole way without any threats. Well, we were sitting at lunch last week when she said, "Look at this face! Think of it when you AREN'T working on that fic!" Sure, you slightly worried the shit out of me, but I love you for it. Lastly I must thank my Hannah, Nigella, who basically told me to hurry the fuck up with the Caddie so I could get back to her Mallie. Ahhhh, the love of great friends. I hope you all enjoy and I hope it was worth the wait.

PLEASE COMMENT!!! Nothing makes me happier. Well, maybe meeting Sara hand last week… oh God, I need to shut up already. ;)

Addison rested her head in her hands at a table in the corner of the quiet cafeteria. This was pretty much the quietest time of the day in here. She had needed more coffee. It wasn't even 10:30 and she was already in her third large cup. She hadn't slept enough. She was nursing the mild dull ache of a minor red wine hangover. She was also nursing something she couldn't really explain to herself. What the hell had they been thinking? The previous day had been Mark's fortieth birthday and the previous night she and Callie had given him a gift he would likely never forget a single detail of. Neither would she. Every time she had closed her eyes, all she could see was Callie with Mark. She saw his hands on her body. She saw the expression that her partner had worn when he touched her. Now she was seeing it while she was awake. Actually, in the past twelve hours, she had thought about little else.

She was fidgety. She knew it. She was also bitchy. She had snapped at Karev at least a dozen times when they had delivered the premature twins that morning. Of course, that had been her only procedure so far and that had been Karev's patient. She didn't even have to deal with the aftercare. Any day when she wanted to be alone with her thoughts, she would be busy as hell. Today, she couldn't find a goddamned thing to do. Her office was organized. Her charts were caught up. Hell, she had even offered to help out in the clinic. No one was sick in Seattle today. Addison felt sick. The gallery was her last hope. She could watch some procedure that had nothing to do with her chosen field and that could take her mind of _things_. She could always lose herself in the resident gossip that was being bounced around in there.

"Christ," she thought to herself as she opened the door. The gallery was completely empty. Nurses and the anesthesiologist prepped a patient on the OR floor below. Addison sighed and hit the intercom button so she could hear what was happening. She chose a seat in the middle of the back row and plopped down, hoping for something at least interesting. She knew she had gotten more than she bargained for when she saw the surgeons step out of the scrub room. Callie's laughter hit Addison's ears before she saw her. It was obvious she was responding to something Mark had said when she bumped him in the side with her hip.

"Take it easy, Dr. Torres. I'm a little achy this morning," Mark said. She didn't need to see his whole face to read that smirk. Even behind the surgical mask, she knew that look.

"I would imagine so, Dr. Sloan," was Callie's response. The eyebrow shot up causing Mark to cackle and Addison to see red.

"Wasn't yesterday your birthday, Dr. Sloan?" some nurse that Addison couldn't identify asked.

"It was in fact," Mark said, moving to the opposite side of patient's outstretched arm. A few interns and younger residents were now in the OR, so Callie began describing the procedure. This was their third surgery on this particular patient. They were rebuilding his arm after a work related accident. They estimated six total surgeries before it would be fully functional again.

"Will you and Dr. Sloan do all of the procedures together?" an intern asked.

"We will. We could do them separately, but it's better for the patient and the overall results if orthopedics and plastics can work together on all of the procedures. If I did the ortho end on my own, by the time it was complete there would be more scar tissue than plastics could take care of. This way, both processes are gradual." Callie had begun making necessary incisions as she spoke.

"And I do enjoy having something beautiful to look at while I work," Mark smiled. Addison couldn't see Callie's face blush from behind the mask, but she could see it clearly from her ears. There were times when she could hold back her emotion from her face, but those ears gave her away every time.

"Dr. Sloan, can we focus on the procedure?" Callie said in a threatening tone.

"Yes ma'am," he smiled. They worked for the better part of an hour, only speaking to inform the others of the reasons for their actions. Addison had almost been successful in her goal of losing herself in the surgery.

The nurse that had brought up Mark's birthday earlier spoke up. "So, did you have fun last night?" Mark dropped the clamp he had been holding in place for Callie and they both snapped their heads around to stare at the nurse. Puzzled by their looks, she added, "You know, did you do anything for your birthday?"

Addison thought he covered rather well, taking the clamp and laughing, "Yeah, I did. My uh, closest friends threw me a little party." She also noticed he didn't look up and meet Callie's gaze.

"That's so sweet," the nurse smiled. "Was it fun?"

"You know, it was. It was the most FUN birthday I have ever had. Dr. Torres was there. Did you have fun, Dr. Torres?"

"I think everyone had fun, Dr. Sloan," Callie said without emotion or looking up.

"Oh, come on now, Dr. Torres, I think you had an especially good time," he said with a wink.

Callie didn't answer. She just held the drill perilously close to Mark's hand causing him to laugh out loud. Addison had seen and heard enough. She stood, drawing Callie's attention to the gallery. She smiled up and nodded her head, having noticed her for the first time. Addison expected to feel tightening in her chest. It didn't matter how much her heart was hurting, a simple look from that woman and she usually melted. For the first time since they worked together on the Jamie Karr case, the smile didn't make her feel better. She pressed the intercom button again and left the room.

Walking slowly down the hallway, the events of the previous night played in her head in vivid detail. She mentally counted every moan, every sigh, every time Callie made the slightest sound that she wasn't used to her making. Mark was right. Callie had had an especially good time. So had he. It was obvious from the banter and flirtation in the OR that Addison was the only one with any concerns in the light of day. They were fine today. Hell, they were better than ever. They were blatantly flirting right in front of everyone in the OR. "Someone needs to go into FUCKING labor!" She hadn't realized she had said it out loud until she noticed the stares from everyone around her. Deciding it was better to hide until she was needed, she headed to her office.

Just as she was about to grab her lunch, someone did go into labor. It was a quick delivery and within the hour, she found herself back at her desk, mindlessly browsing YouTube, watching a little girl threatening to kick a monster's ass. Glancing at her watch and knowing that Callie had to be out of surgery, she went in search of her partner. She checked the OR board and didn't find Callie's name. The clinic and the pit proved fruitless. The ortho office was empty and Addison noted that it smelled a little rank. There was little wonder Callie preferred the resident's lounge or Addison's office to it. She finally found her when she walked past the cafeteria. She and Mark were sitting at a table with George and Olivia. Once again, Mark was saying something so brilliantly funny that Callie had to hold her stomach as she laughed. His next quip seemed to be something that had to be somewhat insulting because Callie gave him her, "that's not funny" face while shoving a piece of bread in his mouth. He slid an arm around her, wordlessly apologizing while chewing by squeezing her. She kept the pouty face, but snuggled into him and eventually started laughing. The first thought that hit Addison was that they looked happy. They looked like two people who had real feelings for each other. They actually looked like the perfect couple. She began to wonder if she was being paranoid or if this was something that had always been there, just below the surface. Now she really did feel like something was caving in on her. The elevator doors were closing before she was even aware that she had run away.

If she could have willed the sofa in her office to swallow her up, she would have. Silently cursing the horribly uncomfortable sterile furniture, she curled into tight ball. She wasn't even aware that she had been crying, from the feel of things, almost hysterically, until she felt the moisture against her knees where her face now rested. Without a knock, the door flew open. Hoping to see Callie, but being disappointed to see her ex-husband, she gave a bitter little laugh. "What do you want, Derek?"

"Well, for starters you can tell me why you almost plowed a patient down in the hallway."

She turned and sat up straight, wiping her eyes. "I didn't realize."

"Yeah," he said, sitting next to her on the couch. "It's hard to see through all the waterworks. You want to talk about it?"

Addison eyed him suspiciously. "Why do you care?"

"I don't know. I am in a caring mood," he laughed. "So, did Torres finally stop the insanity and break things off?"

"You're an ass!"

"Sometimes. But you didn't honestly think it would last, did you? I mean, Jesus… this has gone on, what? Two years? You are both straight. You want the man and the house and the dog and the kids. You can't want that with a woman, Addison. I know you better than that."

"You don't know me at all," she said, wiping the fresh tears away. "I want the whole thing with her. I have never wanted anything more and for your information, she didn't break things off. We're fine."

"Yeah, you look fine."

"You wouldn't get it, Derek."

"Explain it to me."

"Fuck!" She leaned back on the sofa contemplating her next move. "Okay, but I am only telling you this because I don't have another goddamn soul to talk to about it. She my lover and my best friend and my next closest friend is Mark and I certainly can't talk to him about it…"

"Just say it, Addison."

"We slept with Mark."

"Who?"

"Me and Callie."

"Okay…" He looked puzzled. "That's not exactly news. He and Callie were kind of together while you were gone. You didn't know that?"

"WE slept with Mark LAST NIGHT."

It took a moment for the full impact of Addison's words to sink in. "Well, happy birthday, Mark."

"Yeah."

"And now you think that might not have been the best idea in the world?"

"Honestly, I don't know. We talked about it beforehand. About everything. Callie and I, I mean. It just seemed like it would be fun and sexy and… fuck… what was I thinking?"

"You obviously weren't."

"Thanks."

"Anytime. So, now what's the problem?"

"Them. I am having all of these crazy regrets and bad feelings about it and Callie seems fine. Mark seems fine. Hell, they are better than fine. If I didn't know better, I would think THEY were the couple. They are completely comfortable with what happened and they seem closer today than they were yesterday. And there's just something there… I don't know if I just never noticed it…"

"The thing between them?" he asked.

"What thing?!"

"That thing. They're just really close. She kind of gets him. Calls him on his bullshit. I don't know. I have just always thought they were more than 'just friends.'"

"Great. You are really calming my fears here, dear."

"I'm just being honest."

"Remind me of your overwhelming honesty when it comes to me the next time I need advice."

"Will do." His pager sounded, so he stood and walked toward the door. "You know… if you are right and she does have something going on with him or if she wants to, well… that would certainly define irony better than Alanis ever did. You have to confront them. It would certainly suck to walk in on them one night." He closed the door behind him, only to open it a moment later. "So, uh… I should probably mention that I walked in on Meredith and Yang making out in an on-call room today. I may not be in the best headspace to give advice on girl on girl relationships. Just talk to her, Addie." With that, he was gone again.

He was an ass, but he was right. There was obviously something between them. There was a reason they ended up together the night she broke things off with George. There was a reason they turned to each other while she was in Los Angeles. She wanted him. Hell, he would always be the manwhore, but she was Callie. She settled for less. She did with George. She deserved so much more than he ever gave her. Now she wanted to be with Mark, but she was settling for a commitment with her. Addison felt like she was losing her mind. She needed Callie. She paged her and waited, trying to keep the thoughts on anything positive, telling herself she was crazy. Every second that ticked past made it harder. She should have come running. Having lunch with Mark and the O'Malleys was apparently more important that spending any time with her partner. By the time her office door opened nearly twenty minutes later, Addison was livid. Her first thought was to lash out at Callie verbally, but she took one look at the other woman and knew there were no words to convey all the emotion she was feeling.

"Hey," was all Callie managed to get out before Addison pulled her further into the room, slammed the door and pushed her back against it. Addison's lips crushed Callie's as her hands found their way under the younger woman's scrub top, her nails digging into the soft flesh at the top of her hips. As Callie opened her mouth to protest, Addie took the opportunity to slip her tongue into her mouth. She could taste blood and wasn't surprised. Both of their lips were swollen from the intensity of her kissing and the fact that she was basically pushing her against the door with her mouth. "Baby…" Callie whispered as she tried to catch her breath.

"Shhhh." Addison claimed her mouth again, slipping her hands from her lover's back to the drawstring of her scrub pants. Easily untying the small strips of fabric, she slipped her long fingers down Callie's lower abdomen.

"Baby… wait…" Callie tried to slow her down between broken kisses as Addison's hand slipped inside her panties and between her thighs.

Addison's movements immediately stilled. She pulled back and looked into Callie's face for a moment. "You're really not into this, are you?"

"Addie…"

"You aren't even slightly turned on. I know your body better than my own." She removed her hand and started to step away.

"Honey…" Callie laughed. "You just have to give me a minute. You kind of attacked me." She raised and eyebrow and pulled Addison to her again.

Addison turned her face to avoid her lips. Pushing her away, she crossed to the other side of the desk. "We didn't have to give you a minute last night, did we?"

"What are you talking about?" Callie asked, tying her pants again.

"Oh, I don't know… Maybe you only get wet for Mark now. Or men in general, but I am thinking it's probably just Mark."

"Jesus Christ, Addison, where is this coming from?"

"I am not stupid. I was there, remember? I saw how you were with him."

"You can't be serious." Callie moved to Addison's desk and stared at her from across it.

"And you can't deny it."

"What the fuck did I do wrong? I did exactly what YOU wanted me to do!"

"Oh, come on, Callie. You didn't do a goddamn thing that you didn't want to do."

"I didn't want to do it at ALL! This was YOUR thing. You came up with the plan. You thought it would be fun. I am the one who said no!"

"Yeah, right up until the moment you said yes. The next thing I know you're going down on him like the three dollar whore."

Callie snapped her head back like she had been slapped. She took a deep breath. "I am going to let that slide because you are obviously upset, but we talked about this. We talked about it until we were both sick of talking about it. And THIS?" She pointed from Addison to herself and back again. "This is why I told you over and over that it was a bad idea."

"Or is it because you knew I would figure it all out?" Addison leaned forward and placed her palms flat on the desk.

"Oh please tell me what this great revelation is that you have had!"

"YOU AND MARK! I'm not blind, Callie!"

"What about us?"

"So it's 'us' now?" Addison asked with a bitter laugh.

"For fuck's sake, Addison! You have lost your mind."

"What was it he said in surgery this morning? He's pretty sure you had an especially good time last night?"

"He was just being Mark! You know how he is."

"Well, you were giving as well as taking in the OR, weren't you?"

"No, actually I think I told him to shut up."

"I was there before you walked in, Callie. I heard the WHOLE thing. Not that you noticed. You never even looked up."

"Because I was WORKING."

"Or maybe Mark just held your attention."

Callie released a frustrated sigh. "Once again I need to remind you that this was YOUR idea. I didn't even want…"

"You wanted him! As soon as we started you were all in."

"You know how I am. You usually like how I act when it comes to sex." Callie gave a half smile and reached for Addison's hand. Her face hardened when Addison moved out of her reach. "Did you just expect me to be uninvolved?"

"No, of course not. I just didn't expect you to be THAT involved. You got him off twice, Callie!"

"Is that what this is about?" Callie laughed. "You're jealous that I was the one on the receiving end, so to speak?"

"NO! I just… I don't know. You were so into him. More than you are with me."

"You can't really believe that."

"I don't know what to believe. I just know that things that didn't bother me yesterday make me want to throw up today. All of a sudden I am noticing the way you look at him and the way he looks at you and the way he makes you laugh and the way you touch him and I can't handle it."

"So, what is it you want me to do?"

"Do you want to be with him?"

"Addison…"

"You have to be honest with me. I deserve the truth."

Callie straightened up and shook her head. "Unbelievable. You want the truth? The truth is that I don't want Mark. I want you. And the ONLY reason I went along with last night is because you wanted it. The only reason I made sure that I was the one that made Mark cum is because I knew I couldn't handle watching you do it. I knew that I couldn't watch the woman I love being that intimate with someone else. You apparently could, because you were all for it."

"I didn't know how it would make me feel."

"I tried to tell you over and over and you didn't listen."

"I know." Addison ran her hands through her hair and paced behind her desk. "I just… I can't look at you without seeing him touching you or imagining you…"

"So now what?" Callie asked, not wanting her to finish the sentence.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you need me to do?"

"Stay away from Mark."

Callie laughed softly. "You aren't serious?"

"Of course, I'm serious. I just told you, I can't watch the two of you together!"

"Are you going to stay away from him?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so two of his best friends are just supposed to drop him because they did something for him that blew up in their faces?"

"Well, I don't want to, but I don't see any other way…"

"I'm not doing it."

"Callie…"

"I'm not. Mark was a good friend to me when my whole world fell apart. You remember that? My best friend left town without a word. My husband left me. I got demoted. He was here when you weren't. I am not walking away from him because you forgot to put on your big girl pants."

"That's not fair!"

"Neither is what you want to do to him!"

"You are more concerned about Mark than you are about me!"

"Goddamn it, Addison. I am not, but I am not going to intentionally hurt someone when you need to just get over it."

"What if I can't?"

"You have to."

Addison put her hands on her hips and eyed Callie cautiously. "What if I told you that you had to choose between having him in your life and being with me?"

Callie stood and met her gaze with a defiant one. "I would tell you that I don't deal with ultimatums well. The person who gives them is usually the one that loses." She waited for Addison to say something and when she didn't, she turned to leave. "You made me a promise a long time ago that you would never treat me like George did. Well, George came up with a crazy idea and I knew it was a bad one, but he wanted it so much that I went along with it. Then when things didn't turn out exactly like he had planned, he blamed me. Sound familiar?" She reached the door and opened it slowly.

"Callie, don't leave." The tears were apparent in Addison's voice. "We have to fix this."

Callie just shook her head. "No. YOU have to fix this. You are the one with the problem. I'll be staying at Cristina's until you figure it out." Without another word, she walked out. Addison collapsed into her chair not believing what had just transpired. Callie had to be bluffing. She was just trying to teach her a lesson. Things would blow over. She had no way of knowing that Callie was dead serious and would be gone before she ever got home.

The overall temperature at Seattle Grace seemed to drop at least ten degrees over the next few weeks and it had nothing to do with the weather. Everyone was aware that Addison and Callie were no longer speaking, but no one asked either of them about it. Both of their moods were so foul that people were afraid to bring up the subject. It was uncomfortable for everyone, but no one more so than Mark. He had asked, only to be ignored by Addison and told to "drop it" by Callie. Whatever had happened, he was well aware that he was down one friend and it happened the day after his birthday. Not having a clue about the root of the issue or how to help without making it worse, he decided to stay out of it.

Callie and Addison had not spoken a word. Their eyes had met on several occasions, but sheer fury washed over one or the other forcing them to look away. Callie was mad at the suggestion of the ultimatum. Addison was beyond crushed that Callie didn't try to stay and fight for them. The truth was that as cliché as it sounded, she felt incomplete with her gone. She spent her evenings alone, listening to jazz and drinking at least most of a bottle of wine. Their big warm house felt cold and empty without her there. Jolie even seemed mad at her. She stayed curled up on the end of the couch that Callie usually sat on. When Addison woke, she would always find the tiny dog lying on Callie's pillow. She would open one eye, see that it was only Addison there, usually give a little sigh and go back to sleep. Addison couldn't blame her. She felt the exact same way when she opened her eyes each day.

There had been no sign of Callie around the hospital on the day that Addison and Cristina Yang were repairing an aortic defect in a two month old. The patients name was Rebecca Addison, named after her. Her mother had gone into labor after an auto accident and Addison had managed to save both the mother and the baby. For the last two months she had watched the little girl get healthier and she was finally strong enough for the surgery she was undergoing. So far, things had been text book. She noticed that Yang never made eye contact or initiated any sort of conversation. That wasn't that odd for Yang, so she started talking low enough to that only she could hear. "How is she?"

"Stats are holding steady," Cristina replied.

Addison was confused momentarily and realized they were discussing two different shes. "Yes, I can see that. I was asking about Callie."

"What about her?"

"Is she doing okay?"

"How would I know?"

"Well… well, she's living with you, isn't she?"

"She's renting my apartment."

"You don't live there anymore?"

"Nope… moved into Chez Grey when Izzie and Alex started sharing a room."

"Oh… okay." Addison turned her attention back to the baby. "Never mind, then."

After a few minutes, Cristina sighed and said, "Maybe you should just stop by there one night. You really need to talk to her. I mean, you guys were happy. That's rare."

"She doesn't want to talk to me. Hell, she doesn't even want to see me."

"Oh, right," Cristina said with a laugh. "That's why she's sitting up in the gallery staring at an infant cardio surgery she could care less about." Addison glanced up and Cristina was right. Callie was sitting in the center of the first row next to Bailey.

"She's concerned about the patient. We worked on the mother together. We have gotten to know her pretty well."

"Yeah, well… Torres isn't staring at the baby." At that moment, Rebecca's monitors began to sound. "She's coding!" Within five minutes the little girl was gone, but that didn't stop Addison from trying. She had tried compressions and the internal paddles. She was detecting a slight rhythm with CPR and that gave her hope. After forty-five minutes, Cristina stilled Addison's hands. The infant flatlined once again. "You have to call it, Dr. Montgomery."

She glanced at the clock. "Time of death 15:04." She snatched off her scrub cap and hurried from the room. She could have let Yang inform Rebecca's mother. Callie would have told her that she should have. She was too close to the situation. She was too emotionally invested, but there was just no way she could let anyone else talk to her. If watching that little girl lose her life in her OR was difficult, watching her young parents' entire world implode was indescribable. All of the hopelessness that she had kept bottled up for the last three weeks washed over her at once. Richard Webber stepped in at the perfect moment, slipping an arm around her waist and leading her away as Cristina stepped in to assist the parents. He led her away and down the hall.

"You okay?" he asked, pulling her aside.

"Yeah. I've just seen them through a lot." She smiled as the tears spilled down her cheeks. "I never thought it would end like this."

"You did everything you could, Addison. She just wasn't strong enough."

"I thought she was."

"We all thought she was. This is medicine. There are no certainties. You know that."

"I know that."

He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Do you need the rest of the day off?" When she shook her head, he asked, "Do you want me to get Callie?"

Again she shook her head. "I do think I'll lie down for a minute if you don't care." He smiled warmly and gave her shoulder a squeeze before she headed to the nearest bunk bed. As soon as her body was horizontal, the floodgate seemed to break. Her tears flowed freely while her body shook with no sign of letting up. Her sobs and sniffles filled the small room so that she was unable to hear the door open. She wasn't aware that there was another person there until she felt the bed shift. For a moment her body stiffened, but she didn't turn around. When the sweet smell of wild honeysuckle surrounded her, she relaxed, but began to cry harder. Callie wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled their bodies together.

"Shhhhh," Callie whispered, placing a soft kiss on the spot where Addison's neck and shoulder met. "It's okay."

"Rebecca Maxwell… she died," Addison said, calming somewhat.

"I know, baby. I was in the gallery."

"I saw you." She snuggled in closer. At the feel of Callie's lips on her shoulder her sobs started again. "I… I miss you."

Callie released a slow breath. "I miss you, too." Addison turned in Callie's arms until the two women were face to face. With petal light fingertips, Addison began to trace each curve and angle of her lover's face. "Addie…" Her words were silenced when Addison ran her thumb across her lips.

"You are so beautiful," Addison whispered just before pulling Callie's face to hers. Their lips met for the first time in weeks. It was as soft and hesitant as any first kiss should be, each woman taking the time to relish the feel of soft flesh on flesh. Moments passed without either of them deepening the kiss. When Addison finally slipped her hand into Callie's hair and traced the soft line between her lips with her tongue, she pulled away slightly.

"We shouldn't," she protested, leaning up on her elbow. Addison wasn't letting her go. She leaned closer and pressed her lips to hers again, instantly slipping her tongue into Callie's mouth. Callie whimpered softly and Addison could actually feel the sound vibrate through her body. She was constantly amazed at how in tune they could be physically. It felt as though they were designed to fit together as Callie moved her body halfway on top of hers. Looking up into the face of the woman she loved more than she'd ever loved anyone, she was flooded with the same visions she had been plagued with for weeks. The last time Callie had looked down at her like this, Mark was there. She shook her head as if trying to erase the thoughts from her memory. Once again, hot tears spilled down her cheeks. "Okay," Callie whispered. "I should go."

"No," Addison cried, desperately clinging to her as she tried to pull away. "Please, Callie… I need you."

Callie wiped a tear from Addison's face. "You know this doesn't change things. This isn't a quick fix."

"I know," Addison nodded. She leaned up and brushed her lips across Callie's again. "Just… stay." Callie slowly nodded and smiled down at her. If she stared up at that beautiful smile long enough, she knew everything would be okay. All the hurt and guilt would just go away if… but the smile faded as Callie bit her bottom lip. That look, the same one she had probably seen a hundred times before, sent chills all over Addison's body. She had spent so much time thinking about how much she missed her emotionally, she hadn't even realized that her body had been craving her. Needing to show her just how much, Addison rolled their bodies until Callie was on her back. Their lips met again, this time with the fire and passion of lovers knowing exactly what they wanted. When Callie began pulling at Addison's clothes, she stopped the younger woman by pinning her arms above her head. She held her wrists in place with one hand while the other made a slow, deliberate path down her body. Light fingertips traced her cheek and down her jaw line, over her throat and then lower. Her palm settled over her right breast as her lips followed the same path her fingertips had just drawn. Callie whimpered when she moved her hand away and then gasped when the warmth was replaced by the heat of Addison's mouth. She covered her hardened nipple through the fabric of her shirt and bra. Callie finally got her hands free and pushed her back. Her hands went to the bottom of her shirt and began to lift it. "No," Addison whispered. "Let me do it." She slid her body down Callie's finally settling between her lover's legs until her face rested just above her navel. Inch by inch, she pushed her shirt up, kissing, licking and nipping at every spot of exposed bronzed flesh.

Callie took over with the shirt removal when Addison became much more interested in another garment. Using her tongue, she traced the line where fabric met soft flesh along the edge of her bra. Impatient as usual, Callie reached behind her own back and undid the clasp, making Addison laugh softly. As the black lace was tossed across the room, Addison lowered her lips to a painfully erect nipple, licking, biting and then sucking any pain away. She felt Callie's hands in her hair as her own hand slid down over her lover's abdomen, under the waistband of her pants and inside her panties, settling over the smooth skin between her thighs. Fingertips explored and teased as Addison worked one nipple and then the other. The younger woman arched beneath her, physically urging her lower, begging with her quiet moans. Addison looked up and met Callie's eyes as she lifted her hand and brought the tips of her index and middle fingers to her mouth, wetting them before returning them to her lover's body. They maintained eye contact as she began swirling those two fingers around Callie's swollen clit. As Addison increased her pace and pressure, Callie's eyes fluttered closed. Stilling her hand, she whispered, "Baby, look at me. Please." With their eyes locked again, Addison slipped two long fingers deep inside Callie's body, while her thumb moved over her clit. She began rocking her hips against her own hand, pushing her fingers deeper, while curling them forward. She wanted to convey every emotion she was feeling with her eyes. She knew Callie could feel it as her orgasm began to build. Her hands flew to either side of Addison's face, holding her there, watching her. At the exact moment the muscles inside her body began to contract violently against Addison's fingers, she added a third. Callie pulled her lips to hers, kissing her softly over and over. Addison knew in that moment that she needed the connection as much as she did. Callie's entire body shook as she stifled her moan against Addison's mouth. The redhead didn't even allow her to calm down before her fingers increased their speed.

"Addie…" Callie managed to get out in a breathless voice.

"Shhhhh," was her only reply, as her mouth moved to Callie's neck, attacking it. Within minutes she was crying out again with nothing to muffle the sound. Addison stilled her movements and laid her head against Callie's breast.

Callie began to wiggle her way out of her very damp scrub pants and panties, kicking her socks off as she went. "You're gonna have too go to my locker and get my new scrubs, you know."

"Mmm, my pleasure," Addison smiled as she placed soft wet kisses across Callie's chest and down her sternum. Positioning herself between her legs, she began to kiss and lick the soft skin below her belly button.

Feeling warm breath against her center, Callie said, "Christ, woman, are you trying to kill me?"

She let the tip of her tongue graze Callie's overly sensitive clit for a brief moment before saying, "Well, you know the word orgasm comes from a Latin word meaning little death."

Callie laughed and stroked the side of her partner's face. "My little nerd." Addison made a face and raised an eyebrow before quieting Callie by burying her face between her thighs. She immediately surrounded her clit with her lips, alternating between sucking her lightly and flicking her with her tongue. Callie's hips involuntarily arched off the bed and against Addison's mouth. "Ohhhh, god… baby…. Please," she whimpered. "I need…"

"More?" Addison asked, looking up at the raven haired beauty's sweat soaked brow.

"Yes… Addie please…" Addison slammed three fingers deep inside her, pumping in a slow steady rhythm, her mouth returning to her clit. "Fuck… yes. More, baby… harder." Addison did as she was told, moving faster and harder. "God… yeah… yeah…." Her moans were deep, matching every thrust of Addison's finders. "Right there…. Right….. there….. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck….." If her words hadn't been enough, Addison would have known how hard the orgasm was by the way her body responded. Her hand was soaked. Her fingers were throbbing from the contractions of her lover's body. Callie's knuckles were while from gripping the rail above her head.

Addison slowly crawled up her body again and kissed her deeply, letting her tongue explore her mouth. "Was it good?" she whispered softly.

"Get undressed." She responded, raising an eyebrow. "I would do it, but I kind of need a second to breathe." Addison climbed from the small bed, feeling Callie's eyes on her the whole time. She quickly rid herself of the OR scrubs she was still wearing, leaving her in a red satin and black lace bra and panty set and black thigh high stockings. She turned to Callie who said, "Keep going." She reached for the front claps of her bra and then let it fall down her arms. She placed on leg on the bed and began to remove one stocking. Callie placed a hand over hers to stop her. "Leave them, but lose the panties," she added with a wink. Addison followed orders well and slipped her panties down, stepping out of them. As Callie looked her up and down, she felt herself flush a deep crimson. "Since when do you blush when I look at you?"

"I don't know," Addison laughed nervously. "It's just been…"

"C'mere," she said, pulling Addison toward the bed and guiding her until she was straddling her lap.

The feel of so much flesh against flesh after weeks of being without her was overwhelming to Addison. Though she tried to fight them, tears sprung to her eyes again. She wrapped her arms around Callie and buried her face against her neck. Callie's hands against her back were a comfort, pulling her closer, stroking her slowly. The moment the movements became more intimate, tiny chills covered Addison's skin. The pressure and pace with which she was touching her became less sweet and more sensual and absolutely erotic. Callie's hands could always do that to her. Her lips were against her shoulder and neck. Her tongue traced her clavicle and her fingertips played over the soft skin of her hips and thighs. Addison leaned back to allow Callie full access to her breasts which he quickly covered with kisses. She slowly laved one nipple and then the other, causing Addison to arch back further. Callie's hands moved to the front of Addison's thighs, her thumbs slipping lower, both grazing her clit and then parting her slowly. Every touch felt like fire. Addison whimpered softly as the tip of Callie's thumb barely entered her. She felt a hand on her thigh suddenly guiding her up, while the other hand moved lower between their bodies. "Oh god…" Addison whispered when she knew what Callie wanted. She lowered her body slowly over her lover's very long fingers, shuddering as she felt their full length. Placing her hands on Callie's shoulders, she began to ride her hand slowly. Callie was completely aware of how much Addison liked to be on top. She knew being in control when those strong hands were working their magic on her made her crazy. Soon, she was rocking her hips back and forth, making sure her clit came in full contact with the palm of her hand. Between her own movements and Callie's fingers and the dirty encouragement she was whispering in her ear, an insanely strong orgasm hit Addison in waves, forcing her to call her name over and over.

As her body calmed, Addison moved just enough to place her left leg below Callie's right one and pulled her body closer, inch by inch, until their hips were pressed together. Their lips met just as their bodies began rocking against one another. This was what Addison loved the most about sex with Callie…this eye to eye connection of their bodies. Their most emotional lovemaking always ended this way, center against center, allowing them to cling to one another as they felt completely and totally joined. It was a slow build. It always was, but eventually, they were coming together in an explosion of moans and calling of each other's names. After a few moments of just holding each other and ignoring the incessant beeping of Addison's pager, the two women finally pulled apart. Glancing at the number she quickly pulled on her clothes and said, "I have to go, it's an…."

"Go," she smiled. "I understand."

"But we need to talk, I mean… I can't do this, Callie. I love you."

"I have never doubted that for a moment. This isn't about love. But we'll figure out a time to talk. You need to go."

"Okay," Addison smiled as Callie began to dress. She pulled her against her for one more kiss.

"And I love you, too," Callie said quietly.

With one last glance at the woman who meant the whole world to her, Addison left the room. Her mood dropped significantly when she was greeted by a smirking Mark Sloan leaning against the wall across the hall.

"So, sounds like Ellen and Portia made up," he winked.

Addison tried her best to keep her anger at bay. "You were LISTENING?!"

"Anyone walking by would have heard it. Don't worry, I shooed the interns off."

"Didn't have the class to walk away yourself, I see." She turned to walk away from him.

"Well, hell, Addison… I have been there, both together and separately. I figure that makes me a bit of exception." Addison kept walking until he added. "And you know, now that you've made up, if you two need a little help celebrating, I'm always available. Day or night." Addison spun on her heel, walked right up to Mark and slapped him across the face. Her ring caught him on the corner of the lip, instantly drawing blood. She was instantly regretful and started to say so until she heard Callie behind her.

"ADDISON! What the FUCK?!"

"He said… I didn't mean…"

"Right. That really didn't change a thing did it? You are still the paranoid bitch who has no idea what trust means."

"Callie, that's not fair. He said…"

"I don't care. You just… you don't get it. Go deliver your baby." She turned her attention too Mark's swelling lip.

"But Callie…" Addison pleaded.

"Save it. Just go." She and Mark headed in the opposite direction, leaving Addison alone.

"Dr. Montgomery, can I speak to you in my office?" Richard Webber called from just down the hall. Apparently Callie wasn't the only person to witness the stupid move she just made. It only took a few minutes to discover that she was being suspended for one week. "Use the time for reflection, Addison. You need to figure out what it is you want. You have been out of control lately. You've been yelling at subordinates. Now you're hitting colleagues."

"My personal life is a mess," she said, wiping her eyes.

"Then figure out what you need to do to fix it. You're no use to me like this."

"Yeah, apparently I am no use to anyone."

"That's not true, Addison."

"Yeah, obviously. See you in a week." Addison left Richard's office and Seattle Grace without a word to anyone.

She considered flying to LA to spend time with Naomi. It had been to long since she had seen her. But in the end, there was really only one person she wanted to be with. That person wasn't even answering her phone calls. So, she spent the first three days of her forced vacation in bed, getting up only long enough to let Jolie out when she needed to. Xanax kept the pain at a dull level. She slept more hours than she thought humanly possible. She kept a bottle of water by the bed, but really ate nothing. On the fourth day, she passed the mirror on the way to the bathroom and gasped at what she saw. Her skin was more pale than usual except for the dark circles she now wore beneath her eyes. She'd obviously lost weight. Her hair was dirty and lifeless. She glanced at the picture of the two women on the wall. Both were full of life and happy. She really couldn't believe that this was what they had become. She also couldn't believe she was crying again. She finally made her way to the shower, got herself dressed, found Jolie's leash and decided to go for a walk and get some lunch.

After hitting their favorite sandwich shop, she and the dog went to the large park around the street. As she was eating her sandwich, she thought of all the time she and Callie had spent here. Callie would run and Addison would try to keep up. They would end up collapsing in fits of laughter on the bench she sat on now. It was right in front of a wooded area that Callie had pulled her into on more than one occasion. Addison was overwhelmed by loneliness again. She was feeling like she shouldn't even have left the house when Jolie started jumping and barking like crazy. Before she could get a proper hold of her leash, the tiny dog took off running. "Great," she said out loud, gathering her things to try to chase the dog. She looked down the path to see which way the little white ball of fluff headed in and saw exactly why the dog went wild. Callie was bending over to pick her up. She was dressed in the skin tight spandex that always made Addison lick her lips. She apparently wasn't the only one as the man who passed Callie almost tripped over his own feet while staring her down. Addison fought the urge to deck him. Instead, she sat back down on the bench, knowing Callie would eventually bring the dog over.

"Hey," Callie said, joining Addison on the bench and holding Jolie in her lap.

"Sorry about that. I guess she saw you and went a little nuts."

"I was really happy to see her. I've missed her."

"She's missed you. The little shit is disappointed every time I open the door."

Callie laughed, "I am sure that's not true."

"Yeah," Addison said with an indifferent shrug. Not knowing what to say, she worked on her sandwich. There were a few moments of silence as Jolie attacked Callie's face with her tongue and Callie rubbed her little stomach.

"I'm sorry you got suspended."

"I deserved it."

"Well, yeah, you did."

Addison gave a bitter laugh and shook her head. "Thanks."

"Addie, Mark shouldn't have said what he did, but he doesn't know what's going on. He was just being Mark. He didn't mean anything by it."

"You haven't told him?" She wore a look of utter disbelief.

"Of course not. This is our thing. He really has nothing to do with it."

"Right."

"He doesn't. This is you not trusting me when I say that I only want to be with you. This was a mistake that we made, that you talked me into making and now you feel weird about it and you can't get over it. At first I thought you could. I don't think so now."

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying that I don't think we can bounce back from this. It's always been there. You have never trusted me completely. Hell, I am supposed to be the one with trust issues. I trust you with everything that I am. You don't trust me at all."

"That's not true, Callie."

"We wouldn't be here if it wasn't." There was another uncomfortable silence before Callie spoke again. "So you remember the fellowship I told you about in Miami? I applied for it before I even met you."

"The one in sports medicine?"

"Yeah. They contacted me."

"I thought they chose you and you turned them down?"

"I did, but their second choice backed out. They wanted to offer it to me again before going to their third choice."

"Ah." Addison was trying to hold back the feeling of panic that was creeping into her entire body. "What did you tell them?"

"I have until Monday, but I think I am going to take it. It was my first choice. It starts next month."

"Yeah, and you didn't take it because of me."

"Because of us."

"And now there isn't an us?"

"I don't think so."

Addison could feel herself about to lose control. She picked up her bag and grabbed the dog from Callie. "Well, I hope you have fun in Miami." She took a few steps and turned around. "You may want to think about taking her with you. She's really your dog anyway. When you pick up your things, take her, too." Callie just nodded. Addison made it to the edge of the park before her stomach turned over and she lost the contents of her stomach.

Back at her house, Addison took two Xanax and crawled back in bed. When she woke she would pop another pill and just go back to sleep. The pattern helped her not think about the fact that Callie was moving as far away from her as she possibly could and still be on the same continent. She woke one day to find it was full daylight. Glancing at the clock, she discovered it was actually 4 PM. Worse than that, she had no idea what day it was. The battery in her phone had died at some point during her self induced oblivion. When she opened her laptop, she was shocked to discover it was Saturday. She had actually managed to have no recollection of Friday whatsoever. She needed to get up. She needed a bath. Pulling herself to the bathroom, she filled the tub with steaming water. Stepping in, it was too hot, but it felt good to feel something. She scrubbed her body until it was redder than the water made it. She washed her hair. She shaved her legs and then sat back holding the razor in her hand. For a moment, she cursed the fact that razors didn't actually use removable razor blades anymore. When she became aware of her own thoughts, she threw the razor across the room. "Enough of this shit," she said aloud. She jumped from the tub and wrapped herself in a towel. Going to the kitchen, she found evidence of at least a days worth of accidents by the back door. Joile hung her head just like she always did when she knew she was in trouble. Addison gathered the tiny dog in her arms and snuggled her close. She apologized over and over. Jolie licked her face as if understanding her completely. She was very thankful that Callie had talked her into the overpriced automatic food and water bowls.

Going back into the bedroom, she dressed quickly, not even bothering to put on makeup or dry her hair. Within minutes, she was in her car heading for the familiar apartment. She parked and caught the door as someone was leaving, so she didn't need to be buzzed up. Taking the elevator to the fifth floor and walking down the hall, she knocked on the door and waited. As the door opened, she realized she had no idea what she was going to say.

"Hey, can we talk?" She got no response other than the door being opened further to allow her to pass. Once inside she turned around. "How is your mouth?"

"You gave me three stitches," Mark said without emotion. "But a hot little ER nurse felt sorry for me and gave me a little TLC, so it's all good."

"Good," Addison laughed. "I'm really sorry, Mark. I don't know what came over me."

"Yeah, well, the way you have been acting lately, nothing surprises me." He motioned toward the couch and they both took a seat.

"I'm sorry about that, too."

"You going to explain?"

Addison leaned back, ran her hands through her hair and sighed. "I couldn't handle it. After your birthday, I just freaked out."

"Yeah, I figured that much out."

"Every time I saw you with Callie, I wanted to throw up. I thought there was something going on with you two. I felt like I was falling apart. And this week, I did fall apart. She's leaving. I don't know what to do. She doesn't think I can make it right."

"I don't want Callie. I am attracted to her just like I am attracted to you, but you two are my best friends. I want you two to make it. I can't lie, my birthday was fantastic, but if I had known it would cause this, I never would have done it."

"I know that now, I swear. I just freaked out when it happened."

"Okay… What exactly freaked you out?"

"Seeing you touching her. And the most fucked up part is that it was my idea. I put her in that position and then I was the one that freaked out and now I've lost her." She had been pretty sure that her tear ducts had long ago given up, but she was crying again. "I don't know if I can live without her Mark, but I don't deserve her anymore."

"Why don't you deserve her?"

"Because I talked her into that. She is the most amazing person I have ever been with and I SHARED her with you.  
I love you, Mark, you know that. I shouldn't have even considered sharing her with anyone. I cheapened everything we have."

"Have you told that that's the reason you were feeling all those things?"

"No," Addison said, shaking her head. "I don't think I even realized it until now. It's guilt. That's why it hurt so much. It's ALL my fault. She deserved so much better."

"So, you go over there and tell her that."

"She doesn't want to see me."

"Bullshit. She's a fucking wreck, Addison."

"She is?"

"This is Callie we are talking about. Suddenly she is giving surgeries away. She can't stay focused at work."

Addison lifted a hand to her mouth remembering her own behavior the previous week. "Oh god. I am so stupid."

"So, go over there. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you are SORRY. Make her listen and don't leave until she realizes that you two are supposed to make it."

"She won't listen."

"Make her. I don't know which one of you is more stubborn, but if you want it bad enough, you can break her walls down. Just do it." He stood and pulled Addison from the couch and toward the door. "Now, before you lose your nerve."

"Wait… do you forgive me?" she asked, opening the door.

"Nothing to forgive. We're family. We fight. We get over it."

Addison threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you, Mark. I am so so so sorry I have been such a bitch."

"You're always a bitch. Now go over there and get your woman!"

Addison didn't need to be told twice. She took the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. By the time she reached the car she was exhausted and out of breath. Not eating for a week had left her with no energy. She got to the car and climbed in, trying to remember the way to Cristina's apartment. After circling several different blocks, she saw Callie's car and knew she had finally found the place. Of course, it was now pouring rain and of course she wasn't lucky enough to catch someone leaving, so she had to buzz up and hope that Callie was home. After a few minutes of getting completely drenched, she got no answer, but she did hear the electronic door unlock. She climbed to the second floor, trying to shake the water from her hair. When she reached Callie's door, she found it already propped open. Stepping inside, she called out, "Hello?"

"Come on in," she heard Callie call from the bedroom. As moved to the kitchen, Callie emerged with a towel. "Here. I figured you never remember an umbrella"

"Thanks," Addison said, taking the towel and doing her best to dry off. Callie just shook her head and went back to the bedroom, only to come back with workout pants and a t-shirt. Addison just nodded her thanks and slipped into the bathroom to change. "I always liked this shirt," she said, returning and pointing out the fact that is was HER CBGB shirt she was wearing.

"Yeah, I kinda stole it."

"It's okay, I have been sleeping in your Ramones shirt."

"I was wondering where that was."

Addison just shrugged. "How did you know I was here? Is there a camera or something?"

"Mark called."

"What did he say?"

"Just that you two made peace and you were on your way over and that I had better listen to what you have to say."

"He's a good guy deep down."

"He always has been."

"I know, Cal. I was completely unfair to him. I apologized and he forgave me."

"Well, that's good. You want something? Wine? I could make some coffee or tea."

"Wine would be good."

"Okay, go sit. I'll get it." Addison took a seat on the sofa and Callie joined her with an open bottle of cabernet and two glasses. She filled both glasses and handed one to Addison. She drained more than half the contents in one gulp. "You don't look well, Addie."

Addison laughed. "I have had a rough week. Did some stupid things. Now I'm better, or at least I will be."

"What kind of stupid things?" Callie asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

Addison sighed. "Too many pills. Spent a week in bed. The only time I left the house was when I saw you in the park. Then I just went back to bed."

"I shouldn't have sprung that on you like that."

"Well, that was another big mistake I made. I should have argued with you. I fucking hate Miami."

"But my family is in Miami. I won't be alone."

"Yeah, but I am a New Yorker! We can move to Miami when we retire just like all the other New York doctors. Not now."

"Addison…"

"Because if you think for one second that I am letting you move away from me, you are nuts. I love you, Callie. I promised you a long time ago that I would fight for us and I will. If that means following you to Miami, I will do it. I will become that crazy stalker bitch that follows you cross country. Don't doubt me."

Callie couldn't help but to laugh. "I know you love me and I hope that you don't doubt how I feel about you for a second, but it's not about love, Addison. I told you, it's about…"

"Trust, I know, but you're wrong. This was never about trust. I trust you completely. It's always been about guilt. I made a huge mistake. I have this beautiful, incredible woman that loves me with all of her heart, soul and body. And I had to go and talk you into sharing that body with someone else. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Callie. And you're mine. And the way I treated you… And I was consumed with all of this guilt over it. I made a mistake. And then I made mistake after mistake trying to cover up the fact that it was all on me." She was crying again. "But baby, I am so sorry." She moved from the couch and slipped to her knees on the floor. She maneuvered herself between Callie's knees. "I am fuck up. I do really stupid things and mess up everything good happens to me. Please don't let me mess us up, too. I don't know if I can make it without you."

"You could," Callie said, rubbing her hand on the side of Addison's face.

"I don't want to find out." She pressed her cheek against Callie's hand. "I want to grow old together bitching about how much it's costing to put our kids through college and I want to give our grandchildren too much candy and I want…"

"Baby…" Callie laughed as her own tears started to fall.

"And I am a mess, but that's nothing compared to Jolie. She keeps lying around listening to Damien Rice and chain smoking. It's just not healthy. You have to come home and talk some sense into her." Callie laughed harder. "I love you so much, Callie. Please don't go. Please come home to me." Her answer came in the form of a nod and soft lips against hers. "You will?" Addison managed to whisper between kisses and tears.

Callie broke the kiss to pull Addison up and wrap her arms around her. "Yes." Burying her face in her lover's shoulder she cried harder. "I'm so sorry."

"Shhhhh. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"The idea of leaving you was killing me."

"Well, just don't think about it ever again!" Addison said, trying to sound stern.

"I won't," she laughed. "I love you."

"Marry me."

"What?" Callie pulled back and looked into Addison's eyes.

"I realized these past weeks that I am a mess without you. You keep me sane. I want everyone to know that you're mine and I am yours."

"We're just getting back together here. It's a little fast."

"I have been yours for years. And we are not just getting back together. We never broke up. I just acted like a damn fool for a while."

"Addison, it's not even legal," Callie said, wiping her eyes.

"So? We'll have a commitment ceremony. We can fly your parents in. You know they love me. All of our friends can come. It will be beautiful."

Callie thought for a moment. Addison knew she was going through her internal rolodex of reasons not to. She finally spoke up. "I am not wearing a tux!"

"Well, neither am I!" Addison laughed.

"Do you want me to hyphenate my name?"

"Only if you want to and if you do, I will, too."

"Well… okay then."

"So, you're saying….?"

"Yes, you idiot! Of course I will marry you."

Addison made a sound that could only be described as a squeal and pushed Callie back on the couch, shifting both of their bodies so that they were side by side, facing one another. Lips met and hands explored as the two women began what would be hours of reminding each other exactly how they felt and exactly what they had missed by being apart. Afterward, when they were both exhausted and completely satiated, they lay together, arms and legs all intertwined. Callie kissed Addison's forehead and whispered, "Baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Next year we're getting Mark a puppy or something." Both women laughed heartily before drifting off to sleep in each other's arms.


End file.
